what happens when u wake up from a daydream?

Meet up with Yuying yesterday at Bugis after work. It was kinda awkward. I was kinda looking forward to meeting this bestest buddy of mine and yet it felt strange. We haven’t met for quite some time already. Haha, yeah my fault. I’m not very good at friendship management. Both of us shared special memories from JC but I guess being too similar in some traits causes too much friction.

I guess after meeting her yesterday, I was kinda beating myself up for the wrong choice of shoes for the day. My feet hurt like mad and we left separately home. Would have been nice to take 21 like we used to. My believes lie in fate and the individual instead of religion and I guess I felt I messed things up.. like for the umpteenth time.

Somehow after seeing the picture of the present I made for her posted on her blog, I felt a pang of sadness. I had waited for lunchtime before I can check her blog posting out. Luckily I stayed back in the almost-empty office huddled by myself at my table or I would have been embarrassed for anyone to see my cry. lolz

Its kinda weird for I suppose anyone in our circumstances would have gone ahead and found another new bestest buddy, new friend and wadnot but strangely, I kept my friends in Uni and everyone after her behind an invisible barrier. I didn’t get too close to them. I don’t even share that close a bond even with Nicky. (No, I’m not les) I feel strangely left behind. Not the left-on-the-shelf kind of feeling but more like.. in a long run together, I stopped to day-dream only to wake up and find that she’s a distance from me. I can see her and perhaps I can catch up again but I dare not try. Quite afraid when I do try catch up, I’m not wanted anymore and that I become but an obstacle. But yet I cant bring myself to go join someone else in the run. Perhaps I feel I don’t fit in, but more like I wouldn’t let them join me.

Its kinda discouraging to know what you want and yet theres a little voice inside of you that tells you, “hey, u’re not gonna get it. Nyah nyah boo boo!”