2 Dimensional

Sometimes, your emotions are reflected in how you see things. Its no wonder recently I keep having this feeling that the happenings around me are rather.. 2 dimensional. There’s this severe lack of depth that’s bothering me.

Perhaps I’m too stressed… perhaps I’m too overwhelmed with work. I remember De used to say I push myself too hard. That I never know when to say I have enough on my plate. But I’m always so clueless, helpless even. Yet somehow I know I can still push my limits alittle. Stretch alittle. I haven’t learnt how to say, “No”.

It’s always heartbreaking when I see, dangling before me, an opportunity I practically lust for. Yet I am powerless to reach for. Its heart wrenching when I only get to do the work that interests me temporarily… which more or less means I clear up the dirty work and set things straight for others.

This hit-and-go kind of hide-and-seek makes my actual, supposedly job feel very much more mundane and really plainly sickening. Coupled with the fact that my boss more then once repeats, “your head will be on the chopping board” to me. Ironically, my head is supposed to roll for work that is not in my supposedly job scope. How’s that for some office humour.

I feel so scattered that I’m afraid if I stay too long, I’ll never piece myself back. That Humpty Dumpty would even find it necessary to sympathise with me.

I’m paper-dolling myself. Letting the days go by one by one, hardly living my life then watching it go by. As though a 2-D movie.. everything happens on the surface.. the soul is left barren.

What do I really want?